Good News...

...Somehow, while checking messages at work on my cell phone, I heard my sister's message which had been deleted, since my counter went to 0. So how did it come back on along with Ken's 2 messages?

Maybe an angel had something to do with it. It was gone, and then it was there.

Have a good night.

Deleted Voice Mails

I'm Miserable. My 2 saved messages from Ken on my voice mail are no more. Wanting to delete one that I just got, I pressed clear, and it cleared all. Being tired, I pressed it before I could save it.

I actually had them saved recently to a CD from an outside source through my cell phone company. But, I liked to listen to his soothing voice at times when I got another voice mail in. So, I will try to record them back onto the phone from the CD while playing it in my computer. Of course, the quality may suffer.

Thank God I actually saved his voice messages to the CD.

It actually took immediate tears and some foot stomping- all of about 1 minute, before I called Verizon to see if I could retrieve them. But, no such luck. In the future, just press 1 before hanging up and it can be saved.

Such is life. Goodnite.

My Daughter Alex , and Relay for Life

As many of you know, my husband passed away last year. He had Stage IV Lung cancer. My oldest, Alex, has been doing Relay for a while. Please check out her pages and pass along to anyone you care. Thank you so much for your time .

Sincerely,

Lydia

My Reason to Relay

June 2011 will be my sixth Relay for Life! I relay for my father, who passed away in May 2010 from lung cancer, my friend Michael who was only 19 years old when he passed away in 2005 from brain cancer, and everyone else who has been affected by this terrible disease.

Please make a donation to the American Cancer Society to help us all live in a world with less cancer. Everyone has been affected in some way, whether you: have or had it, were a caregiver, knew someone with it, or even had a friend who knew someone with it. Your donation no matter how small can help so many people!

Won't you please donate today?!

THANK YOU!

- Alex

If you are unable to view the message below, click here to view

This year, over 1.4 million Americans will hear the words ‘You have cancer’. I know too many people who are touched by cancer, and that is why I have joined the American Cancer Society on a mission to save lives and create a world with more birthdays by participating in the Relay For Life in my community. At Relay For Life we celebrate loved ones who have won their battle against cancer, remember those who are no longer with us, and fight back against this disease that touches so many. I am determined to make a difference, and I hope you will join me. I will be walking on Saturday, June 11, 2011 at Sherwood High School in Olney, Maryland. Please, support me in my efforts by using the link below to visit my personal web page and make a donation. Every dollar raised brings us one dollar closer to a cure, and to a time when the number of people who have to hear the words “you have cancer” is zero. Thank you so much for your support. Together, we ARE saving lives and creating a world with more birthdays! Thank you for your donation, no matter how small! - Alex Click here to visit my PERSONAL page. If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address: http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?px=5001491&pg=personal&fr_id=33333&fl=en_US&et=gGuotNsxJgsetn3f-KpnYg..&s_tafId=689784 Click here to view the TEAM page for Aspen Hill Club If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address: http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?team_id=849887&pg=team&fr_id=33333&fl=en_US&et=pTvI3mr7YRsfwnJKwbMa-w..&s_tafId=689784 This message has been sent by a friend who thought you would be interested in information about the American Cancer Society's special events. If you no longer wish to receive emails messages sent from your friends, family members or colleagues on the subject of the American Cancer Society's special events, please click here or paste this URL into your browser:http://main.acsevents.org/site/TellFriendOpt?action=optout&toe=78b9411dbc3787bfb2362da26e26a935174d5c9fa14c5eff Copyright 2010/2011 © American Cancer Society American Cancer Society | www.RelayForLife.org | 1.800.227.2345 250 Williams Street, Atlanta, GA 30303

31 Years ago today, My Dad Died...1 Year ago today, Ken came home for Hospice

31 years ago today at 5:45 am I received a phone call. I thought that it was a subbing call, but then I looked at the clock and saw how early it was. That wasn't good. My super, well loved father passed away at 52 from fibrosis of the lungs, due to too much radiation treatment for his Hodgkin's Disease.

The radiologist was an awful man. My father was a civil servant, with average pay for the day. The doctor told him,"You took a mortgage out for your home, you took a loan out for your car, I'm not waiting for Blue Cross-Blue Shield, take a loan out to pay me."

I loved my father to the ends of the earth. He made us feel as if all four of us were his favorite. I always figured that if I was 1/2 as good a parent as my Dad was, that my kids would turn out all right. *

So it did not slip my mind in the least when we found out that Ken would come home for Hospice a year ago today. It compounded the memory date, emblazoned it in my heart and soul forever.

Of course, we were hoping to heal Ken. And, after all, while home in Hospice, he got rid of his hematuria, 2 colds, and started to gain weight/eat & drink more, ever so slowly. But then he made a drastic turn for the worst, his body temperature plummeted to 88 degrees, and then the following day, his final day here on earth with us in May, to 87 degrees. He was 55.

My sister said that he had 1 foot in heaven , and three here on earth. That so described Ken. He did not want to leave. But, alas, it was not his decision to make , but it was the decision of the man upstairs.

This is the last nice photo smile that Ken gave us , Thanksgiving Day, 2009, the day before the stroke. He's holding up that smile for us. Shortly after the photo was taken, while driving back to his sister's place, I had to stop the car 3 times for him to vomit. That fall was so uncomfortable for him. His oncologist had swine flu, and he picked up a nasty virus w/the last chemo treatment that he had had.

He tried so hard to have a nice , normal Thanksgiving dinner. Poor baby.

West Side Tennis Club.
Our beautiful children at their cousin's wedding last September.
* I feel awful, but I do not have any photos of my Dad on the computer. So many to scan. He was the best Dad anyone could've had. No lie.

Merry Christmas.

To say that it's difficult without Ken is an understatement. So we've changed things around a bit. We have been keeping busy. The headstone came in a few weeks ago and looks very nice. Peonies on the upper corners. Those who knew Ken at work were privy to our peonies from our garden, which came from his parents' yard on Long Island. Although with the drought this summer, I don't know how they've survived. We shall see.

The Bob Wolf Tournament at the club right now has been renamed in Ken's honor. Serge is anxious to play, but has been sick all night, poor guy. I pray his tummy gets back into shape very soon.

The photo above must've been taken in 1987, with Alex.

Hope you all have had/will have Blessed Holidays.

5 Months Yesterday

So it is almost a year from the anniversary of his massive stroke. If seeing what happened to Ken doesn't make you stop smoking ,(for those who do), then I don't know what would.

Life goes on.It is not easy for anyone in the family, and certainly harder for others.

Be well. Make good from the bad. Always find the open window. xoxoxo

the little details of life

We spent time talking, we spent time honoring & respecting one another, we worked hard at life, we worked hard for our family. We lost much time to work.Is that the way of the world for everyone?So as life became more hectic & full, life between us,(between our family members) became more about the details, the details of life & living.It's those little details I miss the most.

The not being able to call him after show to tell him how it went,

and what time we'd be home.

The not being able to have him come and help me set up or break down.

The 'not' hearing him come in the front door, because he always closed the front door so silently that I barely knew when he came & went, & would say,"Oh,you're home,Hi!" and give him a kiss.

The goodnight kisses, no matter what, which will no longer be.

Even having him home, but not well, trying like heck to find a piece of him

that was his old self, but accepting the new person developing,

taking whatever we could.

We never gave up. We were exhausted, we felt like we couldn't go on, but we never,ever, ever gave up.

You don't do that when you love someone to the ends of the earth, and they're suffering big time.

You somehow find it within, and keep on going. I just wished sometimes that we weren't so tough, that we didn't tolerate so much, that we didn't always go beyond what

normal people could--- But , then I don't --- I don't not wish it,

because it gave him to us for longer than others had.
I think that is because we were, it seemed, almost indefatigable, even though we didn't want such. In retrospect, I respect BIG TIME what we went through, how we did it, how organic and right the whole process was.

And I am amazed at the strength of my children.
To describe the details would be far too painful, I think, more so for the reader. And truly, unless others witnessed, it is probably incomprehensible to many how time- how this great time of pain and suffering , (and I mean more mental than physical suffering), and utter and irrevocable exhaustion, felt indefinite.
The thought occurred that it could go on for 10 years in this state! The baby steps of recovery & growth in a positive direction seemed to be so long in coming,because of the extremely small size of those baby steps.
To see a vibrant man, involved in his life, in his work---turned NOT into a vegetable, for he was living, breathing, thinking, speaking,eating, drinking, and moving, but to be lost in the complexity of his debilitation of his brain & hence, body, and realizing such, was so very heart wrenching, that it tore at the soul of one watching and involved, tempting utter collapse and disarray, but, holding on by the grace of God....
...on a thread that had been split 1000x's over,yet was still, even so very weak in its 1/1000th the size of the slpit thread, holding on so strong, by the Grace of God, and nothing else.... Nada, Nichevo,zilch, zero.
And so, life preservers were sent in daily, hourly, minute by minute, second by second...

a phone call here, a knock at the door there, an answered prayer from the sweet lady above, a moment of cognizance. These all... held us up.........................
... as if we were so lightweight as the lightest feather,

because, remember, it was a 1000th of a thread, and yet, the load was so very, very, very, very heavy.
The amazing event, the stamina of all involved, was do-able, only by God's embrace.

(...the lady in the tree)..........................................Good night. 7/27/10

PS: Ken would have been 56 on the 29th of July. Happy Birthday Baby.xoxoxoxoxo